Women of Virtue -- Lori

It's Friday!  Time for another Women of Virtue interview!  I cannot tell you how fun it is for me to think up questions to ask these wonderful women and then to read their incredible responses.  These women are amazing and I am so thankful that they take time to answer my questions and to share their incredible insights with me.
This week  I am really excited to introduce Lori.   I met Lori around 4 years ago at our Thomas Jefferson Education book club.  Since that time I have gotten to know not only Lori, but many members of her wonderful family as well.  It is easy to see that Lori loves being a mother, and she loves spending time with her family.   Lori is kind and generous, and ALWAYS has a smile on her face.  She is a wonderful mother and grandmother and I hope my children love me as much as Lori's love her, when they are grown. Lori is a great example to me of a dignified woman of God.  I know you are going to enjoy learning from her as much as I did, so here we go.  

Lori--

 I was born in Arizona, but raised throughout the USA. I moved to Alaska in 1986 and it has been home ever since. I love the beauties it has to offer and the ever changing seasons. It has been a great place to raise my children. I am the mother of 11 (two adopted and nine birthed) and the grandmother of 30, soon to be a great-grandmother of 1 and grandmother of 31. (Wow, it compounds so quickly!) I grew up in a family of 9 children, I was the second oldest, but the oldest daughter. My oldest is a few months older than my youngest sister. It was fun being pregnant at the same time as my mom. I also have several grandchildren older than my youngest girls. My family is my life. I love being with them.

Okay, here are the questions:

What do enjoy most about being a wife? Having a best friend around all the time.

A mother? Being pregnant, laboring, finally getting them here, holding my children for the first time and many times thereafter, watching my children grow, but mostly, remembering it all…it warms my heart.

A grandmother? Watching my children be mothers and fathers. It makes me smile.

In what ways do you show your husband that you love him and that he matters to you?

            I still need a lot of work on this. I have always tried to accomplish the errands he has asked me to do, even when it is inconvenient. He likes me to spend time with him, even if it is just sitting and watching him work. He absolutely loves it when I join him in working out in the yard, he prizes yard work, I do not, so he knows I am doing it for him. He loves it when I make his favorites for dinner or dessert. I usually cater my cooking to his likes and dislikes. I enjoy praising him. I like to make him smile, so I will text him a message, or call, or say something just to get a smile from him. (I think Heavenly Father helps with the still small voice whispering these things to me, I just need to act on them) I don’t really care for intimacy, but I sometimes allow myself to be the instigator, he loves this. I marvel at his talents and accomplishments. And, most of all, I tell him, sometimes simply, sometimes very creatively.

How do you show your children that are at home that they are special and matter to you?

            I love them. I enjoy being with them, we laugh together, and we have meaningful discussions. I try to do special things with just the ‘one’ in mind. Like ‘I made this just for Gabrielle’ or ‘While making dinner, I cut everything up small so Naomi won’t have to pick the green and red things out’ or ‘We are doing it this way because that’s the way Hannah likes to do it’. I buy treats with the ‘one’ in mind. I try to notice the good things about each. I try to help them see their good decisions and I try to trust them. I will stay up late with them sometimes. I am still pretty bad at saying ‘I’m sorry’ but I am getting better at it. I think they need to know I am not perfect and that I am still learning how to be the best I can be, and that it will take them a life time too. I hope they realize they don’t need to be perfect right now, but that it will help, if they work on it every day. I like to dream with them, trying to allow them to share, without ridicule or judgment. I think it is important that they be able to share openly. I am much better at all of this with these last few children:)

How do you maintain good relationships with your children that are grown and living away from home?

            First of all I desire to have a good relationship with them. I pray for this relationship on a daily basis. I try to allow them to make their own way without interfering with my unwanted advice. When they ask for advice, I think carefully my answer, to not give more than a perspective, so they are still clear to make their own decision. It is very important to me that they make their own way, and that it is not MY way. I try to accept them as they are, for if they are to make their own way, they will likely be different than I choose to be. I will love them always, no matter what, I try to convey this to them at all times and in all situations.

            I invite them to my home for family dinners and gatherings, and even one on one family time. I like to text them now and again, always trying to express my feelings in a comfortable way with each, individually. I try to share with them the ways they have been and are good examples to me and ways they have helped me. I am learning to apologize for the things I have done wrong as I have learned and grown along the way. They are so individual, each feeling and thinking in a different way, it is hard, but I feel, so worth the effort.

Does your role as mother change as your children grow up and then have families of their own? How?       

           Yes. Mother, to little ones, is to teach and persuade children to learn and grow as you have and to provide complete protection. To youth, mother is to teach and guide them into making their own decisions and protecting themselves, while still providing for physical needs. To adult children, mother is to teach, guide, and protect by example, allowing them complete freedom to provide for themselves and make their own life’s decisions. Does a mother ever stop worrying and praying for their children’s welfare? No, Never.

I am having a hard time finding a balance between my role as a mother and also allowing my children to exercise their own agency.  How do you balance the two?

            Time…There are times in children’s lives, when they are ready to exercise certain degrees of agency. I think we need to rely on the Lord’s spirit to direct us as to when they are ready for more. I think it comes with added responsibility and better accountability. I think children ‘earn’ higher levels of agency as they grow more mature. So we need to communicate well with them so we know their level of understanding of the values we are trying to instill in them. And then, I have found it is much easier on me to respect and trust them to make the right decision, than to always worry they are going to make a wrong one. I believe they tend to live up to what is expected from them.

How do you feel that homeschooling your children has benefited your children and your family?

            We are closer. I think it has helped us to have better communication skills. It is fun to learn some new things together, and I have continued to learn or be reminded of things I once knew.

Is there anything about being a mother that you wish you had known when your children were little?

            All of the above! What a blessing it has been to have such a large family. I am a better mother because of the things my older children taught me as they were little and growing up. I am glad they can see a different mother as I raise the last of my children. I think I would like to have realized just how much I would love being a mother.

Do you have a favorite scripture or quote on motherhood or womanhood that you can share with us?
          No, but here is one that I have had on my wall since I got married. “For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness.” By Emerson.

Thanks Lori, It was a pleasure getting to know you better.  
To read my other Women of Virtue  interviews click here.